Eight Easy Steps

How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment
How to defer to men in solve-able predicaments
How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
How to have that not work and have them run away from you

How to keep people at arm's length and never get too close
How to mistrust the ones you supposedly love the most
How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
How to feel worthless unless you're serving or helping someone

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist 
How to play all pious when you're really a hypocrite
How to hate god when you're a pray-er and a spiritualist
How to sabotage your fantasies by fears of success

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been training my whole life for this moment I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well-versed leader before you

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
How to numb a la holic to avoid going within
How to stay stuck in blue by blaming them for everything

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

Out Is Through

Every time you raise your voice I see the greener grass
Every time you run for cover I see this pasture
Every time we're in a funk I picture a different choice
Anytime we're in a rut, this distant grandeur

my tendency to want to do away feels natural
my urgency to dream of softer places feels understandable but I know

The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through 
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately

Every time that I'm confused I think there must be easier ways
Every time our horns are locked I'm towel throwing
Every time we're at a loss we've bolted from difficulty
Anytime we're in stalemate, a final bowing

my tendency to want to hide away feels easier
The immediacy of picturing another place, comforting to go but I know

The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately

We could just walk away and hide our heads in the sand
We could just call it quits only to start all over again, with somebody else

Every time we're stuck in struggle I'm down for the count that day 
Every time I dream of quick fix I'm assuaged 
Now I know it's hard when it's through and I'm damned if I don't, no quick fix way
What formerly was treatment silent's now outdated

My tendency to want to run feels unnatural now
The urgency to want to give to you what I want most feels good and I know

The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately

Excuses

Why no one will help me I'm too dumb I'm too smart
They'll not understand me I'm lonely they'll hate me

There is not enough time It's too hard to help me
God wants me to work no resting no lazy

These excuses how they've served me so well
They've kept me safe they've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked in my own cell

I'm too far from home it takes far too much energy
I cannot afford to, no one will ever see me

These excuses how they've served me so well
They've kept me safe they've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked in my own cell
These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me blocked they've kept me small 
They've kept me safe inside my shell

Bringing these into the light shakes their foundation and clears my sight
Now my imagination is the only thing that limits the bar and its' rise to the heights

No one can have it all see I have to, they want me to
I can't let them down I will never be happy

These excuses how they've served me so well
They've kept me safe they've kept me stuck
They've kept me locked in my own cell
These excuses how they're so familiar
They've kept me blocked they've kept me small 
They've kept me safe inside my shell

Doth I Protest Too Much

I'm not threatened by every pair of legs you watch go by
I don't cringe when you stare at women it's just a thing called guy
I don't notice your sideways glances or where your loyalty lies
I'm secure and out of me it's hard to get a rise 

I'm not jealous
I don't get moved by much
I'm not enraged
not insecure as such
not going insane
rational stays in touch
Doth I protest too much

I'm not tortured by how oft you're busy cuz I've got things to do
I'm not disappointed about how you don't miss me cuz I don't need you to

I'm not needy
I don't get clingy much
I am not scared
I'm not afraid as such
I'm not dependent
Rock solid stays in touch
Doth I protest too much

So much energy to prove to you who I can't possibly be
So much energy to prove to you I'm not who you hate for me to be

I'm not saddened and I don't miss you cuz I have moved on too
I'm not concerned about your new lover cuz I've a new lover too

I'm not depressed
I don't get down that much
I'm not despondent
I am not dark as such
I'm never sad
Keep chin up stays in touch
Doth I protest too much

Knees Of My Bees

We share a culture, same vernacular
Love of physical humor and time spent alone 
You with your penchant for spontaneous advents
for sticky unrests be unearthed and then gone

You are a gift renaissance with a wink 
with tendencies for conversations that raise bars
You are a sage who is fueled by compassion comes to nooks and crannies as balm for all scars

You make the knees of my bees weak
Tremble and buckle
You make the knees of my bees weak

you are a spirit that knows of no limit
who knows of no ceiling, who balks at dead ends
you are a wordsmith who cares for his brothers
not seduced by illusion or fair weather friends

you make the knees of my bees weak
tremble and buckle
you make the knees of my bees weak

you are a vision who lives by the signals of stomach and intuition as your guide
you are sliver of god on a platter who walks what he talks
and who cops when he's lied

you make the knees of my bees weak
tremble and buckle
you make the knees of my bees weak

Not All Me

I wear their face on top of my face
I am the perfect target screen for your blindly-fueled rage

I bear the brunt of your long-buried pain
I don't mind helping you out but I want you to remember my name

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you
But I won't take it all on 

past-riddled rage I see the buttons I engage
with my dignity in place I'm all too happy to assuage

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you
But I won't take it all on 

Lest I find my voice find the strength to stand up to you
Lest I state my limit and take on only what is mine to

We are a team I'm here to help mend and re-seam
All I trigger unknowingly a job I hold in high esteem 

It's not all me
It's not all my fault
I may remind you
But I won't take it all on 
I'll take only some of it

So-Called Chaos

Deadlines and meetings and contracts all breached
d-days and structure, responsibility
Have to's and need to's, get to's by three
Eleventh hours and upset employees

I want to be naked running through the streets
I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be
I want to be weightless flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations but the shoes upon my feet

Heartburn and headaches and soon-to-be ulcers
Compulsive yearnings non-stop to please others

I want to be naked running through the streets
I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be
I want to be weightless flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations but the shoes upon my feet

All won't be lost if I'm governed by my own innate-ness
The stoplights won't work, I'll get home sound and safe regardless
won't be mayhem if I'm ruled by my own rule-lessness
my fire won't quell and I'll be harm-free and distress-less (trust me)

line-towing and helping, expectations-up-to living
inside-box-obeying, inside-line-coloring

I want to be naked running through the streets
I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be
I want to be weightless flying through the air
I want to drop all my limitations but the shoes upon my feet

I want to be naked running through the streets
I want to invite this so-called chaos that you think I dare not be
I want to be weightless flying through the air
I want to drop all these limitations and return to what I was born to be

This Grudge

14 years 30 minutes 15 seconds I've held this grudge
11 songs 4 full journals, thoughts of punishment I've expended

not in contact not a letter such communication telepathic
you've been vilified, used as fodder, you deserve a piece of every record 

but who's it hurting now?
Who's the one that's stuck?
Who's it torturing now, with an antique knot in her stomach

I want to be big and let go of this grudge that's grown old
All this time i've not known how to rest this bygone
I want to be soft and resolved clean of slate and released
I want to forgive for the both of us

Like an abandoned house dusty-covered furniture still intact
If I visit it now, do I simply re-live it somehow gratuitous

But who's still aching now?
Who's tired of her own voice?
Who's it weighing down with no gift from time of said healing

I want to be big and let go of this grudge that's grown old
All this time i've not known how to rest this bygone
I want to be soft and resolved clean of slate and released
I want to forgive for the both of us

Maybe as i cut the cord veils will lift from my eyes
Maybe as i lay this to rest dead weight off my shoulders will rise

Here i sit, much determined ever ill-equipped to draw this curtain
How this has entertained, validated and has served me greatly ever the victim

But who's done whining now?
Who's ready to put down
This load I've carried longer than I had cared to remember

I want to be big and let go of this grudge that's grown old
For the life of me I've not known how to rest this bygone
I want to be soft and resolved clean of slate and released
I want to forgive for the both of us

Spineless

I won't see my dear friends as much
male friends especially I'll no longer be in touch
I'll change my hobbies to match yours 

I'll stop reading my favorite books
I won't spend all this selfish time alone
I'll cater to you and hang on your every word

I'll be subservient and spineless
I'll lick your boots as empty shell
I'll be opinion-less and silent
I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

I'll redefine self-sacrifice
live my life as apologetic compromise
I know you'd leave if I rocked the boat

I'll be subservient and spineless
I'll lick your boots as empty shell
I'll be opinion-less and silent
I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

I feel this, truly proclaimed, will help the curbing of this tendency
I know this sharing of shame will ensure that I won't forget myself so easily 

I'll be low maintenance and agreeable 
I will not talk about my dreams so much
I'll listen to you for hours, won't need for anything

I'll be subservient and spineless
I'll lick your boots as empty shell
I'll be opinion-less and silent
I'll be the prettiest appendage to ever lose herself

Everything

i can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
i have the bravest heart that you've ever seen and you've never met anyone 
Who is as positive as I am sometimes

you see everything you see every part
you see all my light and you love my dark
you dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

i blame everyone else & not my own partaking
my passive aggressive-ness can be devastating 
I'm terrified and mistrusting and you've never met anyone
Who is as closed down as I am sometimes

you see everything you see every part
you see all my light and you love my dark
you dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

What I resist persists and speaks louder than i know
What i resist you love no matter how low or high I go

I am the funniest woman that you've ever known
I am the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known and you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes

you see everything you see every part
you see all my light and you love my dark
you dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here